19 is going to be a good year, but it’s also going to be a confusing year and a year of serious soul searching. The older I get, the more I realize how fast time is moving…and the more I realize how little I really know, and how unsure of everything I actually am.

When I was 12, I was sure of everything. I had this whole plan for my life–I knew exactly what I wanted out of it and exactly what I wanted to be. But I feel like as we grow up all of these new factors are thrown at us… They start telling us about the economy and making a living–paying rent, supporting your family, and so on… And we start worrying so much about all of these factors (or at least, this was what I spent the better part of my teenage years doing) that at a certain point we forget about all of our dreams and just concentrate on all of the things we have to worry about. And now instead of wanting to pursue a performance career in New York City or LA, I have no idea what I want to do and all I can concentrate on is supporting my hypothetical future family and making sure that I can pay my hypothetical future rent and bills.

At 19, I honestly have no idea what I want and I’m just starting to figure out who I am. And that’s really scary.

On a more positive note, I’m very thankful to be at Ithaca College, where I’m slowly finding myself and figuring out what I want to do. And I’m especially grateful for all of my amazing new friends. I feel like I’ve finally found my people.